Dissecting Insanity – Apr. 20, 2010

"But My child be warned: There is no end of opinions ready to be expressed. Studying them can go on forever and become very exhausting. Here is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey His commands for this is the duty of every person..." Ecclesiastes 12: 12-13 (NLT)

Many of you may know that for the past eight weeks I've been on a diet. It has been productive and I have lost a good amount of weight in that time. This particular diet plan is a low carb plan. I won't go into details but just so you understand where I'm coming from. It has worked for me and that's a nice thing. I found the plan on the internet and though I don't jump on every cool sounding thing I find on the internet, this one caught my attention and so, by god's enablement and my wife's tender care, I started it.

Since that time, out of curiosity and by reading the comments readers leave on the articles, I've read a number of interesting sounding diet plans....None of them agree on any point! One says, "Protein-only is the way to go!" Another says, "You have to count calories!" Another proclaims, "Reduce your carb intake!" And yet another says, "If you want to lose weight you must eat cabbage soup only for twenty-three years!" (Yummy! I was tempted to try this one for sure!) Who do you believe? Each plan has a list of success stories and some are better sounding than others. (I'm still searching for the elusive chocolate-only diet. If anyone finds it please send me the link! I know I could follow that plan!)

And then there are cars. Everybody has a car expert in the family or at least close at hand, and most of those folks have strong opinions regarding which make\model to buy. Some will tout the virtues of Ford while spitting in disgust at the mere mention of GMC. Or some sing the praises of Dodge and swear that if you buy a Ford it will fall apart before you leave the lot! And don't get them started on the foreign jobbies. What's a person to do? Maybe by a bicycle; SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT! Now, which bike to buy...Huffy-They're kind of for kids. Then there's Schwinn...How about a European model? Then there's...

And the ever popular subject of politics. You have not seen something divide a group like politics. (Perhaps...religion, but you know how I feel about that word...) The democrats are "big government", the republicans are "pro big business". This group panders to the communists, and this one to the ice cream makers. It is maddening! How do you decide? Just when you think you've got the correct party one of its top members admits to being gay, or to having an affair, or that he prefers Dairy Queen over Cold Stone. (How absurd that is! No way he's getting my vote!) And with each new candidate comes the heart-stopping campaign slogans. "Change and Hope!" "NO NEW TAXES!" "Hope for tomorrow's future the day before yesterday!" I know...that last one is a really good one! Maybe I should run for president.

The pattern begins to emerge. Ask ten people about any given subject and you can expect ten different opinions. It's no wonder that we suffer from so many psychological maladies. This great country we live in offers so many options that no one of us knows all the choices. We have to decide what to eat and what two sides we'd like with it. Do we want to super-size our meal today? The options that we could possibly add to our new vehicle, once we decide which vehicle that is, are astounding. CD player, MP3, DVD player for those long trips with the kids, anti-lock brakes, four-wheel drive, the list goes on and on. If you can imagine it you can add it...for a price of course.

Manufacturers have zeroed in on this concept and offer "accessories" to make your purchase more user-friendly or more convenient to carry. And the more we buy into these things, the more cluttered our lives become. And the more cluttered our lives become the more complex. With complexity comes frustration and confusion. And when these have run their course we find our minds have turned to mush and once an hour a friendly man in white scrubs comes to our padded room to give us the drugs that help us to cope with the insanity that we have immersed ourselves in. In a strange way there is peace.

But...there is an easier answer a better answer and Solomon 3500 years earlier had it right. He made trial of all that we've discussed with equivalents of his day and discovered that they did not hold any more satisfaction than we find today. He even discovered despair. He found nothing that held any lasting meaning or significance, except one thing.

After summing up all his thoughts his conclusion was that life is tough and can be big, hairy, and ugly but if a person focuses their attention on God and obeys His commandments that person will find peace and contentment even in the whirlwind of this life.

I would like to inject one personal thought: God has always desired a relationship with you. He won't force Himself on you and He won't shout and scream to get your attention. Slow down. There is nothing more important than to start your day with a time of quiet before the Giver of Life, the Creator, our Enabler: God Almighty. He desires to spend time with you. Think about that statement for one moment. HE DESIRES TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU. Can you think of anything more amazing than that truth? The time is never spent in vain. You will be strengthened, encouraged, invigorated, revitalized, and loved. Isn't what God has done for you worth a few minutes of your busy day? Try it. You will find the value beyond anything a few extra minutes of sleep could ever provide.

Horsepower Satisfaction, Filling The Void, Pt. 2 –Apr. 18, 2010

I wrote in yesterday's post that we can find great satisfaction in hard work. As I mused on this topic throughout the day I realized there is a flaw. Not in God's design but in we humans.

We were created with a hole in our hearts that demands to be filled. This hole has an odd shape to it, this hole is God shaped. If we fill it with the right "stuff", with God himself, we find contentment and satisfaction even here on earth. But a need arises within that drives us to fill this hole, while the hole remains empty we feel incomplete. However, as we attempt to fill it with the things of this world, material possessions, adventure, even good deeds, we soon realize that the more we shovel into the emptiness, the less full it gets. It's really paradoxical until you understand why these things can't satisfy.

This paradox comes from the design of the hole itself. The hole rejects anything that does not belong and so leaves us the impression that the more we try to fill it with wrong things, the emptier we feel.

When we look around this world and see successful people like Tiger Woods, and hear how dedicated he is to his sport: The long hours or training, his focus, his very heart is the game of golf. The results speak for themselves: He is one of the most recognizable figures in sports today and one of the all-time most successful players in the game. Even with all that, plus a beautiful family, one would think all of this would fill many holes, but as we've seen, it was not enough and in his attempt to fill the void he traversed paths that proved that even with all he had acquired it could not fill the emptiness in his heart. It was all the wrong "stuff".

We see this in everyone who by the world's standards are considered great. A flame of desire burns in their souls and drives them to go further and climb higher. It takes courage and discipline to travel the path of greatness but in all their devotion, once they attain to the "speed of business" as the advertisements for UPS say, stopping becomes the terror, because if they stop they might fall, and to fall from the glorious heights would be nothing short of disaster. If, however, they were not too terrified to stop and exam their lives, they'd find themselves looking into an infinite hole of vaporous nothing. All their accomplishments would be like steam and as they try to grasp and cling, it vanishes before their eyes like a dearly loved one's ghost that we long to hold onto in our dreams. And like our dreams, we're left with nothing, just like those who attempt to fill the void with the things of this earth. For you see, everything we throw into the hole in our futile attempt to find contentment and satisfaction, is mist. Only God can fill the hole all the way to satisfaction and contentment.

Work, hard, dedicated work, does provide us all with a sense of satisfaction, and God commends this to our lives but...when work (or anything else) is our means to fill the ever present emptiness, it becomes like a mirage of water in the dry and thirsty land of our souls.

When God is the "stuff" of our emptiness, then our souls are revived by the living water that can only be given by Him. Our shriveled souls are revived and then, and only then, does the work we do truly satisfy.

Where are you finding satisfaction today? Even long time believers can fall into the trap of worldly thinking and find their souls dehydrated. Turning back to God and allowing his healing streams of life to flow into our hearts will once again imbue us with refreshing life.

Unexpected Understanding -- Apr. 17, 2010

Since starting my “diet” I’ve lost 23 pounds. I feel great and I have more energy than I ever had but since my hobbies and work are both sedentary activites sometimes I feel close to bursting. It is wonderful! (I need to get a bicycle!)


Each day for the past week, I’ve gone to bed around 11:00 and awakened before my alarm, refreshed and ready to go. My heart sings to the Lord even as the birds outside my window lift their voices in praise to their Creator for the day He has granted them. My mind, body, and emotions all seem to be on the same track.

This morning was just little different. I woke up early, feeling the blessed energy flowing in my viens and my mind was tracking the list I have to accomplish today but something was not quite right. I couldn’t quite put my finger on the problem. Then it struck me. My emotions seemed a bit...oppressed for some reason; melancholy is a better term. I was melancholy today. My body and mind were still raring to go but my emotions were lagging behind like a child not wanting to go into the doctor’s office and with a stubborn pout refuses to walk in the door behind mom. I’m thinking about “calling in sick” today and just being lazy...

For me melancholy is not unusual. I’ve gone through days and even weeks where this malady kept me pinned down but it has not happened since I started my diet so it's throwing off my groove this morning. It’s not all bad though. Melancholy often helps settle the craziness in my head (usually self-induced. See my previous blog) and helps me focus more. So I don’t despise these times but they do tend to draw away some of the energy I have, which leaves me a little drained.

Since I will be co-teaching the book of Ecclesiastes this fall I’ve started reading in preparation for the class. I think it is the one book in the Bible that nails down exactly how life is for us, to use a cliché: It's where the rubber meets the road. Don’t get me wrong, there is something for this life and beyond in all of the books of the Bible but Ecclesiastes for some reason feels more "down to earth", so to speak.

As you begin to read it you will see your life laid out before you, raw and unadltrated. No punches are pulled and it makes one squirm a bit because there seems to be a hint of materialism in the words. Materialism tells us that since we are all made of the stuff of the universe that not only are we no off better than animals but there is no real purpose in our lives.

Solomon appears to be taking us dangerously close to this edge of meaninglessness. But, in reality, what he is telling us is that our deeds, in and of themselves, without God, are meaningless because once we die, whatever we obtained in this life will be gone along with the hopes and dreams we held in our hearts.

Solomon spent his life devoted to determining what it is that is good for us to do all the days of our lives. What he discovered is that there is nothing better than for us work hard and play hard. There are times in all of our lives that cause us pain and sorrow but we also have times when there is happiness. God wants us to do our best in all the things we do.

I’ve discovered in my own life that when I work heard, really put my heart into what I’m doing, the reward is a deep sense of satisfaction, a feel of contentment. When I slack off and cut corners because I do not want to be doing whatever it is I am doing, I feel a sense of guilt and loss. Oddly enough, for me when I do my tasks with all my heart my play time is much more satisfying as well. Maybe this is because if I’m being lazy and then try to have fun I feel guilty as though I haven’t done anything to deserve the fun. It has started to become circular logic for me—Work hard and gain satisfaction. Work hard and play time is more satisfying. Work hard and be satisfied. Work hard and play time becomes so much better. This makes me want to work harder not only so that play time is more enjoyable but because the sense of satisfaction is rather euphoric. So by working to my utmost abilities, I actually enhance my life! What a concept!

God has ordained that we work and play hard. The satisfaction we get from doing our best makes the things we do worthwhile. Not only this but God desires the best from us and when we do our best we also honor God and that is true satisfaction.

I think God has made me to live in melancholy once in a while to help ground me in reality and I do not despise it and at times, I even embrace it. Melancholy was my friend today. God used it to help me to see some truths that had been eluding me or that, perhaps, I chose to ignore.

We have a choice and a chance each and every day. 1) Rejoice just because God has given you another day. 2) Whatever tasks are before you today engage them with your whole heart. You will please God and you will find that the satisfaction of doing your best makes the whole thing worth your while. 3) Take time to play, to enjoy the lighter side of life, but put your whole heart into that as well, don’t be afraid, God has ordained both, just give your all.

Good bye for now, Melancholy. I know you better now than I did in before. I don’t always welcome you but I do recognize your purpose in my life.

I'm afraidn that I won't be "calling in sick" today. My God deserves to be glorified! Look out day, here I come in all of God's power! HA! HA! HA!

May I please you in all that I do and say and think today, my Father...

Expounding On Two R’s – Apr. 15, 2010

Two words come to mind at this time, each one holds great power and influence but each one is moving in the opposite direction of the other. One, in an attempt to get to God, drives me away from God; the other draws me to God.

One word speaks and emptiness fills the abyss--the void that drains life and withers vitality. The other word speaks of hope, an assured certainty of life, true life, abundant life.

One word speaks in lofty, arrogant tones; the other is the language of humility and meekness.

The first promises serpentine bondage and burdens beyond strength; the later speaks of freedom and service from a grateful heart.

One word deals with work, effort, and self-esteem, the other speaks of trust, rest, and truth.

The one word I grow to despise daily because it is full of treachery and false hope.

The other word burns brighter as I take time to listen.

The first word wounds mercilessly, reminding moment by moment of guilt. The first word offers no freedom from this awful, heavy load that the heart must bear because the first word offers no hope, only desperation and oppressive futility.

The second word breaths healing to a bruised heart and a lowly, weary soul. The heart heavy with burdens is freed when this word is taken and nurtured. Unlike the first word, this word brings a soul rest and forgiveness, a cleansing of the heart.

The wake of the first word leaves the stench of death while the drawing of the second word, the sweet aroma of love and security.

It's time for the reveal. Don't be surprised if the first word conjures images of beauty and happiness, it's only a delusion, a white washed tomb, as Jesus so aptly described it. The external trappings are beautiful but within you will find corruption and death...The path of this first word leads right to the gates of Hell. The word: Religion. Does this surprise you? Not me, because within the sacred teachings of God's word there is no room for religion. You may be wondering if I've lost my mind but I haven't, I merely point to the truth of scripture.

The answer is quite simple if you have a grasp of who God is and how He operates. God wants us to trust Him. Nowhere in the Bible will you see man pleasing God except in acts of faith, where people step out for God by trusting that He will enable them to perform the task, not relying on their own prowess to accomplish their God-given task.

Religion is man's attempt to get to God. These attempts are in the form of, but not limited to, self-proclaimed penances, good deeds, or giving. None of these things are bad and in fact, are commendable in God's eyes as long as they are not used as the medium in which a person tries to win merit with God, for that is not possible.

The other word, the second word, is: Relationship. It can be confusing because they both begin with the letter 'r' but they are two different words, through and through.

Where religion is man's attempt to attain God's favor, relationship is God's attempt to win His beloved creation. God's desire is to live in relationship with us. Throughout history His word shows us the various ways He uses to draw us closer to Him. In these later days He goes so far as to take up residence within us. God actually residing in our hearts! What a grand privilege! You can't get any closer than that when you are developing a relationship.

Relationships are usually a give and take matter. If you really work from the abundance of love, then each person is giving all they have to that relationship. When you are so busy giving it makes it difficult to find time to take; each person exerting the greatest effort to fulfill the needs of the other.

God does not need anything from us, His reason for beginning the relationship with us is that He desires to be in relationship with us because He loves us.

Relationship also takes effort. Since in our state of sin we had no interest in a relationship with God He took the initiative and came to us. Not only did He give up His rights and His throne, He gave up His life to free us from that bondage that sin held us to.

Spending time together, getting to know one another. The wonderful thing about us is that even if we lead a simple life we are so complex that it takes a lifetime to get to know one another and even then we can't learn all there is to know. God is even more so. When we've studied Him for an eternity there still will be more to know. And more after that, and more after that!

Religion is man's futile attempt to win favor with God. Its question is: "What can I do for God? Relationship, on the other hand, asks: "How could God ever accept me for all the wrong I've done?" God answers both of these questions. To the first He says, "'All your righteous deeds are as filthy rags...'" And, "Depart from Me you evil doers, for I never knew you." To the second question His answer is: "I loved the world so much I gave My one and only Son. When you place your trust in Him I will rescue you from your sins and come and live with you." And he also said, "It is finished."

Religion is wasted effort, relationship is heaven sent. Relationship is a gift to us purchased at great cost to God our Father. In essence, religion is man telling God that the overwhelming price He paid was not adequate and we are going to help Him to save the souls of man. Relationship, on the other hand, tells us that what God did was enough and now the deeds we do are in thanksgiving for what He did for us.

Where do you stand? Whose court are you in? Are you attempting to win God's favor or are you resting in the knowledge that God's work is more than enough to win favor for us? There is no middle ground. If you are not trusting God alone then you are "religious", futilely attempting to win merit with God. Jesus is the only one who can and has won merit with God. Place your trust in Him and your ever-life is guaranteed.

Thinking time...

 

 

 

Random Variations on The Theory of Evolution – Apr. 14, 2010

"Information habitually arises from conscious activity."

-Henry Quastler

I'm becoming more and more interested in the whole Evolution vs. Intelligent Design ID) debate. One the one hand you have the proponents of Evolutionary Theory. They seem to be stepping up boldly and proclaiming that the debate is over and evolution wins; Hands down, no arguments. http://www.discovery.org/a/13391

One question I have is why are their own people defecting to the ID side? Take prominent British Philosopher, repudiated his life-long adherence to atheism based in part of the evidence of intelligent design. http://www.discovery.org/a/3059

One sign I like to look for in an individual is their willingness to learn, to set aside preconceived notions and listen to what someone else has to say. I love doing this myself. Sometimes it hurts my feelings when a long held belief or "fact" is soundly countermanded but if it is true I learn to accept it. I'm not afraid to listen to other points of view. Staunch Evolutionists do not fit in the category of "willing to learn". I wonder what they are afraid of. If they have the answers why not face the world and once and for all dispel the "myth" of Intelligent Design? I would theorize that the reason they don't is because they can't.

Contrary to this are the staunch evolutionists who refuse to even debate. The scientists who back ID are relegated to posting their defense of ID on blog sites whereas the Evolutionists have full might of the media at their disposal. It is arrogance plain and simple. (I wonder from what arrogance evolved? I would guess from some form of grasshopper...Maybe Cro-Magnon-Hopper) In their arrogance they claim Evolution to be the "true" science but science by its very definition should be open to study and correction when necessary and not an immovable stubbornness that refuses to look at all the evidence.

Others are so determined to avoid the truth they flatly deny any attempt at debate. Such is the case with Dr. Richard Dawkins when Dr. Stephan Meyer challenged him to a debate in evolution vs. ID. His representatives told Dr. Meyer that Dr. Dawkins does not debate with Creationists. This is nothing more than fear, fear of facing the truth, because unlike the proponents of Evolutionary theory claim, Intelligent Design is theology but a methodical observation and study of life and its origins. http://www.discovery.org/a/13011

True science, true scientists would not be fearful of looking at all the evidence and adjusting their theories based on what they observed. So what does this say about our staunch Evolutionists friends?

The more the evidence points to intelligent design the more the proponents of evolution close their eyes and plug their ears.

Pride and fear come together and form a barrier to truth. Though intelligent design is based on scientific research and observation, taking the next step and finding God and discovering that He is holding us responsible is what lies at the very heart of our evolutionary friends' minds.

An Aside For Randomness – Apr. 13, 2010

Have you ever put so much information in the ol' noodle that it feels like it's starting to leak out? Or, worse yet, it feels like everything's building up toward critical mass and you're hoping that the worst that comes of it is insanity. Well, I'm getting there—quickly.

You see, I have a habit of sometimes taking on more than I can really handle when it comes to reading and invariably I end up on the short end of burnout. (Does anyone else smell smoke?) I love to read and I can't get enough usually but what sometimes happens is that I'll be reading a book and another book catches my attention. I'll pull it off the shelf and begin to "browse" through it. I'll get interested and begin to read it. Then things start getting bad.

I'll also be reading a book or web sites at work (Yes, work related) when things are slower.

I get home and find that it's time for my quiet time so I begin to read God's word. And so on and so forth it goes. I have been known to be juggling five books at one time! Sometimes I even mix them up in my head as to what's happening in each book. Maddening!

Soon there comes a point when there's just too much going on in my noodle which, by that time has actually become a wet noodle, and I lose my way, in a manner of speaking. It feels like I can't possibly fit one more item in my head. I start to become imbalanced and, a sure sign of trouble ahead, I begin to have trouble making decisions. You know there's a problem when deciding what to have for breakfast causes a minor panic attack. Time to back off.

How does one clear out the...excess...OK! Bloated extras in one's mind? One thing that has worked for me in the past has been to take a night or two and watch television. You may be thinking, "TV?? That is a mind killer!" YOU GOT IT! Sometimes just letting the TV go helps me clean out my mind. You have to be very careful though, because it can sneak up on you and pretty soon you've killed more than you thought and then you have to fight to be free of the new TV addiction you've found yourself in but, taken in bite-sized chunks, TV can help bleed off some of the excess overages in your brain.

One other thing I've found that can help and can be somewhat therapeutic, is writing. I have come to a point where TV just does not call to me as it once did, its siren song drawing me to the murky depths of oblivion all the while images stimulate my brain to mush. So writing is a wonderful alternative.

But what to write?

It is true that there are times when your mind is so much slurry that you can't even form a coherent thought let alone...write. That is the beauty of writing. Just because you write it does not mean someone else has to read it.

During these times of mental constriction, take the writing medium of choice and simply start to put words on to the paper. They do not have to be correctly spelled, punctuation is optional, and during this time the words do not have to make sense-Just write whatever pops into your mind next. Here's a sample:

Horses love green grasshoppers women from yonder cats calling and birds hammering Grant to grace and falling short behind a barn on a forested hill top looking over orange tigers on a cool night in July with no place like home to kill a mower in the process of digging up ants in the backyard.

Fun, isn't it? This is also a wonderful technique for blowing out writer's block. It helps your mind gain some creative momentum, but beware! It will drive your inner editor absolutely COOWAZY! (That is a really fun thing to do!)

So two options to drain excess brain goo: 1) A little bit of TV; 2) Writing. I do enjoy a good movie now and then but I get much more joy from putting words to paper. And the risk of permanent brain damage is little to none when you write.

 

So long All!

A Time to Kill – Pt. 2

There are some parts of part two I'm not thrilled with but my mind is a bit distracted so I'm posting now.

 

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"Miss me," he mewed in his sick, sweet voice. I stared at him for what seemed like hours, cursing my luck. Why couldn't he have been hit by a bus, or mistaken for an assassin's victim. But no, he sat there with his tailored blue, pin striped suit and slicked back hair. He picked at a stray hair while he sat there and gave himself a further inspection.

Looking up again, "You don't look like you're very happy to see me," he said sending chills through to the core of my muse.

"I suppose you think you did a wonderful job of "writing," the word stank of disdain as it rolled off of his sophisticated tongue, "but I've seen it and it's all rot. ROT, do you hear me," I could see flames flare in his dark eyes, "But you're stuck at the pier at Raven's Point and you don't know how to get Lon and Breia to Bane." Another hair, "All the ideas you've come up with so far are stupid, stupid, STUPID!" In that moment my writing drive suffered a severe blow, not quite fatal but wounding deeply; the vital liquids of creativity oozing from the gash in my psyche. However, my loathing began to simmer.

Lowering my eyes in shame, I said, "I know," feeling as guilty as the condemned man that I Really was...Condemned never to get a complete story written and...Oh heck, I thought, He's right! I'm not cut out for this form of art! I ran a hand through my hair, I'm lying myself, I have no creativity, I'm a loser with a wild fantasy. Ed smiled, sitting up a little straighter, sensing victory.

From that moment on my Ed has had me cowed. It seems to be ok that I think about writing or even if I read about writing but if I so much as try to put ink to paper or fingers to keyboard, he's there beside me giving me a knowing look, or wagging a forefinger under my nose, and a disapproving "Tsk, tsk, tsk."

"You can't hold me forever, you know," I said, stammering, a meek attempt to gain control and show this intruder who is boss. He smiled and melted from my sight.

I sighed. The one thing that brought a measure of passion to my life is now in shambles, relegated to the flames of perceived incompetence, increased complacency, and more self-doubt, all supplied in abundance by Ed; not so much an editor, but more like an torturer...

I've reached the end of my rope! I'm ready to unleash the fullness of my passion and soar on the wings of the written word and not allow this miserly fiend to keep me grounded with the other turkeys who refuse to take flight! I am taking action now! I...I..I'm going, to hire an assassin! That's it! I'll hire someone to take this scum out once and for all. I will show no mercy as he has shown me no mercy! But how? Where does one find an "inner editor assassin"? My face fell at this thought. My idea dead before it even gets off the ground. I thought some more, desperate to wring more ideas from my embattled mind.

There are your average, ordinary assassins, of course. The ones who kill a president here or a king there or maybe some famous actor, but I need a special assassin. There are character assassins but this inner editor if mine is not a character...wait! Wait one minute! If I write him into a story, say, this story, he then becomes a character! And as a character he is vulnerable to character assassination! YES! That is the answer. What a revelation! Rubbing my hands together, I head for my office sanctuary.

After careful investigation, I have concluded that the best assassin I could find is actually a team of assassins. I'm not willing to take any chances.

Psst...I need to tell you who they are in case something happens to me before I can execute (no pun intended here, but it is funny!) my plans.

The assassin duet I hired consists of two dedicated individuals and come highly recommended. Their names? The first goes by "M". He says it's best this way. The less I know the less cleanup needs to be done when this thing's all over. His smile is like daggers. Shivers run down my spine, seeking a place to hide.

The second man is "Mr. D".

(Wait! I need to stop. Ed's lurking about and I don't want him to see us talking. See you tomorrow!)

A Time to Kill – Pt. 1

Here's part one of a fun little story I've been writing to help me try and overcome this writer's block I've been having. I hope you like it though it is not a polished piece...just for fun...

 

 

There comes a time in a man's life when enough is enough! When the poison of despair sets in and festers in his heart until it becomes like a boil on one's soul. The only answer is extreme, extreme to Death. It's not vengeance but the hatred is just as powerful and the desire just as strong. That time has come in my life now.

Five years ago I started on a quest of creation. Through some candid conversation friends who saw something in me that I didn't: A spark. If this spark could be set to the right material, a flame would grow and maybe spread into an inferno.

The story goes something like this: I had explained that I had been blessed with fantastic dreams and a love of stories. They told me I should write. Put the visions in my head onto paper.

As I mused on this idea, a chill of excitement rippled across my soul. This could be fun.

So, soon after I started the quest of the golden pen. I began researching what it took to write a book. No one said it would be easy and all said it was brutally difficult. I scoffed a bit at this because I was sure I had something that the likes of Grisham, Sanderson, and Jordan didn't have that would make me an international best-seller with much less effort than these other, inferior authors. I just knew it would be much easier for me. I'm sure that knowing smiles flitted across the faces of the great ones as these arrogant thoughts danced in my head.

It was about this time that I began to notice an obscure reference that I had long ignored, ignored almost too long, and it has been the bane of my writing existence ever since, the source of my growing hatred. A few of my on-line "teachers" talked in cryptic hints about a strange, almost mystic individual they referred as the "inner editor", a vile and stifling entity bent on disrupting creativity.

They warned that this creature was necessary but never during the initial writing phase. His mere presence, looking over your shoulder, critiquing every word, every point of punctuation, was enough to drive any sane person saner, disrupting the creative process sometimes to all out writer's block. When it seems like words begin to flow this..."inner editor" (I am calling him Ed, though it's a much better name than he deserves!)...steps in to tell you how proud he is of the garbage you are scribbling, a sour look twists his pinched face; contempt for my prose oozing from every pore of his disgusting body.

At first I was grateful for his "help" but the more I tried to write the more this villain spoke: "That is garbage! No one will accept that work!" "What Crap! There are first graders who could do better than what you've written!" "I know Grisham, and you sir," pointing an accusing finger at my prose, "Are NOT Grisham!" Exasperated, I close down my computer and walk away, head throbbing and frustration bubbling within.

Then one day it happened. I had just finished reading two wonderful books on the craft of writing and I started writing—

I wrote a few words and paused, squeezing my eyes shut in anticipation, waiting for the inevitable harangue declaring my ineptitude...but nothing happened. With care, I opened one eye just a crack. Nothing. He wasn't there, but still skeptical, I waited longer. Still nothing. So both eyes I began to write again, stopping on occasion just to be sure he was not around, but he truly seemed to be gone. Where he was I didn't know and I didn't care. I hoped he was pestering and belittling some other author or would-be author, just as long as he wasn't bothering me. (I know this is a mean spirited sentiment and I do feel for the author who has to battle his or her own Ed, but with the amount of frustration filling my mind, it's easy to understand.)

When I finally realized that he was not going to harass me, my fingers began to fly over the keyboard. Three weeks later and I had over forty thousand words written! I was amazed! I knew there would have to be some rewriting but still...FORTY THOUSAND words! And no brain-bashing by my nemesis! Hurray!

Birds were singing sweetly in the trees outside my open window. It was hard to be irritated with them hearing the beautiful praises for the morning. My alarm clock sounded. Though I didn't want to get up, the clock's persistence finally persuaded me that I needed to open my eyes and get moving. Though I was tired I couldn't help but smile as I thought about the fact that not only was it a beautiful day but that sneak, Ed, was gone!

I opened my eyes and the smile faded from my face, sliding downward toward a frown. There at the end of my bed, with a nasty little smirk on his face, sat Ed.

Brilliant Finishes...April 3, 2010

One of the times I feel most at peace is when I'm on a mountain by myself. It does not happen nearly often enough for my liking but there is something about being on an outcropping as the sun rises, streams of light spilling into the valley before me, breakers of light washing over the mountain's sides. During these times praise and worship for God pour from my heart like a mountain spring dances in joy as it runs the course laid before it.

Jesus was in the habit of spending time with His Father daily. Often He would go to the Mount of Olives. I wonder if He saw the same beauty and felt that same peace that I have so often felt as He looked at what lay before Him.

Jesus came for a mission; he had a goal and a purpose. Though His capacity to enjoy the wonders of this world, as its Architect, may have been greater than ours, He was not here for vacation and His one source of strength came from His time with the Father. Even on the busiest of days with important tasks to accomplish, Jesus always took time to dip His heart in the healing waters of time with the Father. There were no excuses and it was not onerous to Him but a time of joy and peace.

One of the last recoded prayers of Jesus came shortly before His death. Having fulfilled the tasks He had to do, He took His disciples to the Mount of Olives, usually a place of refuge and spiritual renewal for Jesus, but this night would be different. Instead of the peace and joy He normally received, drops of agony dripped from His head as He wrestled with the suffering that awaited Him for our sake. Not just the physical pain, that in itself was enough to wither a hero of old, but the separation from His Father He was to endure, something which had not happened to Him before. Jesus was going to be put to death in the body but He was also going to take upon Himself the sin of the world; the sin from those who came before, those who are now, and from those who would come after, fell on His shoulders.

Did He find peace during this time of prayer? He knew what was ahead and He asked that the cup be removed from Him, but...but He subordinated His will to the Father's in spite of what loomed ahead—suffering beyond anything known previously or since.

"It is finished." There are thousands upon thousands and myriads upon myriads of famous quotes that have inspired nations and moved men to accomplish great deeds but there are no words that have changed the course of history like these: "It is finished." These words usher in true freedom; freedom from the bondage of sin; freedom from the clutching, grasping, sucking maw of Hell that held each one of us in its lustful grip. "It is finished." The purpose of Christ is complete but this is not the end of the story, only the beginning.

Jesus may not have found peace on His last visit to the Mount of Olives and He wasn't there for the view, but He did find what He needed: Strength in a time of weakness and courage in a time of dread. He found the ability to undertake the purpose He specifically came for.

It is finished but the story continues...