This past Sunday I started teaching in the Book of James. I am excited about this particular study because it is so hard hitting, James doesn't pull any punches when it comes to putting our faith into practice and how to employ it in diverse situations. I came away from my studies nervous because of my lack in these areas.
Oh, sure, I've been through a good share of trials but I have not always handled them with the proper attitude and joy is often missing. I keep wondering how I can stand in front of folks who I know stand head and shoulders taller than I do in the faith and tell them to stand in trials with joy. It is at best humbling at worst intimidating. I feel…transparent.
I told the class that unless you're comparing yourself against the Word of God, against Jesus Himself, you are looking at the wrong measuring stick. (See, even I do it! J) We are all at a different place in our walk.
Where one may not get it, someone else may be at a point where the Holy Spirit is opening their eyes to see a truth or maybe applying a truth, and someone else may be long on the road in a particular area walking strong in God's enablement. We are each different. Even if we've been given a similar gift as someone else God might have us utilizing it in a different way all to His glory. The same yet different.
One thing that some of you veteran teachers can relate to I'm sure is the deer-in-the-headlight-syndrome.
This particular ailment seems to be more prevalent with a larger class for some reason but I've seen it in smaller classes too.
I would be a bit turned off to teaching and wondering if I was really called to teach if not for the fact that other teachers, many of whom I respect as teachers myself, have admitted to having run into the same signs.
Lack of focus, eyes staring through you as though you're not there, and the classical glaze as though you've recited the entire Constitution of the United States in Swedish….Borshky Borshky Borshk…
You wonder if everyone is bored or that you've said something you shouldn't have said.
But it is all worth it because you trust that God has the people in the class that He wants there for the purpose He has them there for. I have been in any number of classes where something the teacher says triggers some learning that was not even part of the class. In other words, I'm reminded of something else the Holy Spirit has been working on me for from something the instructor says but what I learn has nothing to do with the topic of the class. So I try to keep that in mind and that helps when all I can see is glaze…
There are also those moments when someone comes up to you and thanks you because they had never looked at it from that point of view. It's not me, never me but God using me. In fact I go into any class assuming I am going to learn as much if not more than the students.
All in all I am curious who will be in class next week and who won't. I know it's summer and the class will fluctuate but I wonder if there are other reasons…
I can get really passionate when I teach and I think this might turn some off but unless I am offensive to someone I like the passion.
It does not matter how much I prepare for a lesson when I stand up in front of that class for just an instant I forget everything and momentary panic grips my heart. "I can't do this!" "What am I doing up here?" But I remind myself that I am a willing servant and God will use what I say for His glory.
"It's just that I wish," I say to God, "That I could be eloquent when I speak Your word then I could stand up here with confidence and speak boldly…"
"Oh yeah. It's not about me," I then say as God reminds me why I'm up there in the first place, "It's not about me, I'm Your tool. Thank You."
It's not about me, about us, it's about Him and doing the things He asks us to do with a willing heart and it's not ours to be anxious about the outcome, it's our to give our best to a God who can use "our best" even if we stumble and fumble about as though locked in a dark room in the middle of the night looking for the bathroom.
I did not get any writing done this weekend due to extreme busyness but I am planning to get some done in the next day or so. I'm beginning to realize that 'busyness' is here to stay and I need to carve out time to write regardless. Keep praying for me because I am determined to get this book done. It took Tolkien 15 years to write the "Lord of the Rings" so I just need to be patient and steadfast.
Go in God's grace and empowerment! You are special and you have a divine purpose, use it for God's glory!
Bye
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